Humans Are Weird
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien species stare at us openly when we talk about what conditions are like on Earth.
“… you need to leave that planet. Now. You’re not safe there.”“Your planet is the most hostile planet in the entire sector.”
“What?”
“Your planet’s extreme atmospheric disturbances, rapid temperature fluctuations, and hostile wildlife… It’s a miracle you survived.”
“Oh, so like Australia?”
“What is… Australia?”
“A place on Earth.”
“You have a terrestrial equivalent to your planet on your planet itself? Surely something so terrible cannot exist!”
“It’s an alright place, mate; I live there.”
“[faints]”Stories circulate throughout the Intergalactic Confederation of a Floreevian settler who was separated from their team while out gathering specimens. Without their communication module or maps they soon became hopelessly lost. They wandered for days on end, searching for any signs of the Floreevian camp, the risk of death by exposure an ever growing concern.
Then one day, there occurred a horrifying event: solidified precipitation. They knew for certain they had entered the Uninhabitable Zone of Kel III. They tried to run back the way they came, but the precipitation fall extended far beyond their current position and the extreme pain of unprotected dermal contact with solidified water particles was debilitating.
They had given up all hope of survival when they were suddenly covered by a protective textile, they were completely wrapped in it before being picked up and carried to an unfamiliar shelter.
Once inside, they learned that a human had found them. There was a human settlement in the area and, and several others even further in the uninhabitable zone.
They asked the human why he would choose to live in such an extreme place, and he said that it reminded him of home. The human let the Floreevian warm up inside his shelter as he went back into the elements to retrieve his young.
Reportedly, they had gone outside when the solidified precipitation began to fall to attempt to catch particulates on their tongues.
After spending several days recovering in the human shelter, the Floreevian was able to use the human’s communication module to contact the Floreevian camp. Once the camp’s location had been established, the human transported them back to their camp in his own personal transportation unit, despite the increased danger of the terrain.
Thanks to the human, the Floreevian survived an otherwise deadly situation.
And the number of similar such stories of rescue through human intervention only increases as exploration extends to more potentially hostile planets.
I think a lot of the HFY stuff gets a little into the chest thumping “humanity are warriors grrrr!” camp. But even on Earth humans are a little weird in where we spent our attribute points. One of the big ways being running upright, which turns out to be really efficient if you’ve got the majority of your musculature geared toward keeping you from toppling over. Like humans may not be all that fast but if in shape we can run some crazy distances if we pace ourselves. Just imagine an alien hearing about marathons:
“To use your turn of phrase bull-shit Chris! You’re telling me you have foot races that run for, what is that, the width of a small city? I know you’ve got endurance but that’s a little arrogant even for you.”
“Nonono! I’ve never really done a marathon, that takes dedication. I just did 5ks.”
“The k being…”
“Kilo…meters.”
“Remind me never to get chased by you.”
i keep thinking about, and about species exploiting niches, and it occurs that humans would probably been seen as excellent candidates for the galactic equivalent of search and rescue.
we’re tough as nails, have endurance for days, actively enjoy a huge range of temperatures and environmental conditions and bond with anything and can empathize to the extent we see faces on inanimate objects.
more than one lost and desperate alien has heard a bunch of humans yahooing it up down a cliff-face and felt the sweet rush of relief :)Humans are the ultimate S&R teams. Now there is a Sci-Fi series worth watching.
Clonsee had been stuck in this cave for six days. Water was running low, xe’d been eating quarter rations to try and make the food last, and the sun was too blazing hot during the day to leave the cave. At night, it was cool enough to exit and try to find food and extract moisture from the scrubby, hardy local flora, but it was much too dark to go very far for fear of getting even more lost and being caught by the dawn.
There was very little hope for rescue by this point, no Vortha could survive in these conditions and they were light-years from any intergalactic outpost. Clonsee’s only hope was that eventually xir remains would be recovered and returned to the Great Tunnel and xir spirit could rest among xir ancestors instead of rotting on this forsaken death planet of fire and sand.
Why had xe ever agreed to an exploratory mission? Why couldn’t xe hold xir water until the end of said mission? Why had xe gone off to do the necessary without double-checking xe’d retrieved xir locator device from Hortensa? Xe had no directional sense whatsoever, what was wrong with xir?
Clonsee sighed and rested xir headridge against the cave wall, lowering xir laser-scalpel from writing xir epitaph.
Suddenly, a bright spot appeared on the wall near Clonsee’s upper right hand, moving slightly. Frowning, xe turned to the cave entrance to see what was reflecting the light. Squinting into the brightness, nictitating membrane almost completely covering xir eyes, Clonsee could just make out several dark shapes moving across the hard-packed earth between the shifting sands.
Covering both eyes and peering through the barest of slits at the approaching creatures, Clonsee could see that they had two lower limbs, only two upper ones and no headridges at all. The seemed to be covered in cloth, not fur or scales, and they moved with an easy, predatory grace. One of them found xir flag, tied to a sturdy (and inedible) plant, and motioned to the others.
Not dumb beasts, then.
Then, amazingly, a noise came across the wastes.
“Klonsee! This is the Eighth Imperial Brigade of Sol’s Terran Army! Klonsee, if you can hear us, please respond!”
Humans. Xe was saved.
